Typically, messages are issued quite quickly in response to an announcement. They acknowledge what’s happened, provide comfort and show the recipient that others care about them during a difficult time.
Here’s some of our suggestions when it comes to writing a condolence message which will be influenced by how well you know the person who died and or the person /people you are sending the message to.
What do I say?
- Acknowledge the loss
- Use the name of the person who’s died
- Share a positive memory or experience that may bring comfort
- Be authentic and don’t shy from using emotional language
- Messages don’t need to be long, a condolence can be as simple as five words
“Please accept my deepest condolences.”
“I was so sorry to hear about John’s passing. He was such a kind and generous person, and he will be deeply missed.”
“We’re so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts are with you and your family.”
“Please accept our heartfelt condolences on the loss of Margaret. We’ll be thinking about you during this difficult time.”
What should I NOT say?
- Consider if your offer to help relies on them asking “Let us know if we can help you…” which may put the responsibility on them, not you
- Offer what you can and will be able to do as it’s tempting to overly promise assistance
- Make the condolence about you or your grief/loss experience
- Try to be too funny as jokes can land badly even if it’s unintentional
There’s many ways to write a condolence message including:
Condolence Cards and Handwritten Notes
On every high street, supermarket and even online, you can find a wide ranging source of condolence cards in every design and to suit many tastes. Some will have preprinted messages, bible verses or poems. Condolence cards can be a great comfort to people allowing them to reflect on messages of support for many years after. A handwritten note takes the condolence to a more personal level.
Emails, text or WhatsApp messages
It’s quick, easy and just as valued to send a message which will be read on a screen. These can be saved and reflected on, and in group situation, allow replies to be read almost like real-time dialogue. Pictures and videos can be attached making these condolence messages even more personal.
Social Media and Online Obituaries
Funeral directors prepare posts to formally announce a death which can be published on websites and on social media. These allow people to send a condolence message in response which is viewed by all those on the group, or to the wider public, depending on the preferences or settings of the author. We recommend these as a great way to share news widely across networks reaching people who may no longer be in the area, or have a current relationship.
Funeral Flowers
It’s also possible to leave messages on flowers. These can be floral tributes sent to the funeral, or just posies that are ordered for homes. In both, a brief message is possible to leave on cards provided by the florists.