Bereavement support

Grief doesn’t have a timescale. Nor is it the same for everyone.

It’s uniquely personal to you and your circumstances. What we do know is that it can take you by surprise, influence your behaviour and have a serious impact on your life.

Feelings associated with grief can be intense. Bereavement can trigger anger, numbness, exhaustion, frustration, loneliness, depression – and many more emotions. Take it from us. Having supported many families through the grieving process our advice is:

Go easy on yourself

Change is inevitable as you come to terms or process the absence of someone else. So allow this to happen at a pace you can manage. Be aware of your limitations while you are mourning and beyond. Don’t pressure yourself to do or be anything other than who and where you are. Don’t undertake too much. Save important decisions for a later time. And where possible, be kind to your body, health and wellbeing (you know best what that means for you).

Take time to grieve

We know there’s no time frame to managing after a loss. Allowing yourself to grieve may need space – and that space may be required at a most unexpected time which could be many months later.

Feelings can be different

You may experience feelings you’ve never had before, or equally, they’re familiar but can suddenly feel extreme. It’s quite normal to feel differently after a loss. As time passes, emotions come and go in varying waves of strength. We say, don’t bottle them. What you feel is real and if you can acknowledge this, so you and those around you can react accordingly.

People who know you may see a change before you do

Recognise you may be behaving differently or someone close to you may point to your behaviour or actions that are new, sometimes in response to familiar situations that you used to cope with. That’s ok too. It’s important you don’t ignore signs of change or bottle feelings up.

Your loss is personal

While people can empathise, sympathise and be a great source of support, we also recommend you don’t succumb to stereotypes about loss. No matter how well meaning they can be, others will never know what you’re experiencing. Acknowledge your feelings and help those around you understand so they can adjust too.

Others don’t know best

Don’t allow other people’s opinions or experiences to influence you about what to feel, think, or do. Through good intentions, our urge to not upset someone, to include them and return to a safe, secure, normal, may actually achieve the opposite. You come first, so we recommend finding a way to explain how you feel to hosts, family and friends in advance of situations. And recognising there is not a formula for grief also means acknowledging the hollowness of cliches like “time heals” or “it’s been months now”.

Create a support system

Your loved ones know you. They may be your best source of support. It’s also possible that they can’t really understand how you feel in this new normal. Whoever you find to help, surround yourself with people who respect what you’ve gone through; those who you know will be there for you when you need them, to listen, to support and encourage you. Even if this means establishing NBFs (new best friends).

Memories matter

Treasure the mementos, pictures or personal items that help keep memories special. They’re part of your loss and while there is a new future to face, memories of your loved one are worth cherishing. There’s still time to create new ones.

We’re not experts on loss, but there’s plenty of people who are. In every branch, we offer complimentary books on grief, bereavement and loss from leading authors and specialists, both for adults and children. Simply come into your nearest branch, or call us and we’ll arrange for these to be available for you to take away. 

Here’s a range of further resources we offer to help you or someone you love.

In every branch, we offer complimentary books on grief, bereavement and loss — for adults and children — from leading authors and specialists. Come into any branch, or call us and we’ll have them ready for you to collect.